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About the Inner Compass Initiative and The Withdrawal Project
Inner Compass Initiative (ICI) is a new 501(c)(3) non-profit organization that provides information and resources to help people make more informed choices regarding all things “mental health” and to support people who wish to leave, bypass, or build community beyond the mental health system. Its first major effort, The Withdrawal Project (TWP), is a comprehensive online hub for safer psychiatric drug withdrawal. The resources on the ICI and TWP websites include a detailed layperson’s “Companion Guide” to safer tapering from psychiatric medications; mini-booklets that provide detailed, critical information about psychiatric drugs, psychiatric diagnoses, and the mental health industry; and two networking platforms to help people who are thinking critically about the mental health system or seeking support for psychiatric drug withdrawal to find each other in their local communities.

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Artist’s Statement

The evolution of this series of illustrations was a collaborative effort between myself, Laura Delano and Rob Wipond. The themes are based on the ideas of struggle and transformation taken loosely from the symbolism of selected tarot cards. Ink colors were chosen to convey a particular mood but how they interacted on the paper was spontaneous. Shreds of neuroanatomy textbook pages and the pages of a particular drug in each category from the Physicians Desk Reference (PDR) were scanned in and overlaid in Photoshop. Most of the Tarot symbolism comes from the major Arcana of “The Lovers Tarot” by Jane Lyle except for the Page of Pentacles used for ADHD drugs.


Mood Stabilizers
: Symbolically based on the Wheel of Fortune card, reversed this card indicates irregular, sporadic, overwhelming chaos. The composition is also somewhat based on one clock in Salvador Dali’s “The Persistence of Memory”. Primary colors are used in an effort to portray more of an imperfect surreal wheel, even a distorted compass. The text is taken from the PDR for Valproate.


ADHD drugs
: Symbolically based on the Page of Pentacles, with it’s focus on success and the inverse distraction by negative influences. The composition consists of a child is drawing the Pentacles symbol in chalk. The colors of red, yellow and green to allude to traffic control. A denser collage of neuroanatomy images and pages from the PDR for Ritalin.

Anti-psychotics: The hanged man is the symbol from the tarot used for this image. Indicating the “shamanic death” before “enlightenment”. Old life is dissolving while a new one forms. It may be hard to attend to practicalities and reversed it can be a time of confusion and frustration. Colors are chosen to emphasize this time of confusion, swirling chaos but also the golden aura of possibility surrounding the figure.

Anti-depressants: Taken very loosely from the Tarot card for death. A time of darkness, painful initiation, decent into the underworld where rebirth is possible. The sickle is tearing through the darkness to a new light. The colors are blues and black with a tinge of red along the cut lines. The text is taken from the PDR for Prozac and Cymbalta.


Z-drugs:
The card selected is the moon which reversed reveals a temptation to experiment with sleeping pills and alcohol when rest and submitting to reality are the best antidotes. The text is taken from the PDR for Zaleplon.


Ben
zodiazepines: Based on the symbolism of the Tower card implying the insecurity and uncertainty of change. This tower is tipping over, falling down, like a wobbly stack of books. Warm colors of red, orange and yellow allude to fire. The PDR page selected is for Valium.

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I hope the following will help when approaching me or another artist/designer about a project.

1) Determine what you need
What is the message you want to communicate?
Who is your audience?
How do you want to communicate it this message (media)?
What feelings/emotions do you want to convey to your audience?
What is your budget?
What usage rights do you need?

2) Search out artists and ask for an estimate
Look for artists or ask around for people who do the type of work you are looking for. Check out their online portfolios. Tell them what you need and if possible show them samples of the style/type of work you are looking for. Ask for an estimate of how long the job should take and how much it should cost.

Keep in mind the quality/time/cost trade off.

3) Negotiate a contract
For larger jobs (more than $500 or longer than 1 month) it is best to negotiate payment in installments. For smaller jobs payment is due upon delivery of the final image/product. 

Art/Illustration

Pricing is usually based per image/product and is estimated by the artist based on these factors:

a) Experience
The more experience I have with the media/subject matter the more I will charge because I feel confident I can do a high-quality job. I have also spent years developing my skills and expertise in this field/media.

b) Cost of materials/software/equipment/workspace
If I need to rent studio space, pay a photographer, purchase reference art, buy new digital equipment, use expensive design software, or expensive materials (like gold leaf); I will need to charge more per image or agree to invoice these expenses separately.

c) Time required
The longer I expect a project to take, the more I will charge per image.
This is one of the most difficult things to estimate and I consider these many factors:
– How much research will be needed and how difficult will this research will be? (Do I need attend a surgical operation or can I watch it online?)
– How much detail will be needed?
– Do I have things on-hand that will help me speed up the process (drafting tools, previously done work, templates, brushes, icons…)?
– Can elements be replicated and reused within the project or used in the future?
– How difficult do I find the subject matter? (emotionally/ethically/physically/mentally…)
– How difficult do I find the media? (do I need to learn new skills? is it tedious? is it physically demanding? is it easily correctable if I make small mistakes?
– How many versions or revisions will be needed to satisfy the client. I usually offer 2-3 revisions before I need to go to an hourly rate or re-negotiate the contract?
– What is the relationship with the client like? Have we worked together before? Could this lead to more work?
– Are there other benefits/sacrifices to consider before taking on the work?

d) Usage rights
The more rights the client needs, the less money I will be able to make off the image, so the more I will need to charge for the image/product.

For most illustrations clients want first time print and web rights to an image. This means they will have the right to reproduce an image in print (brochure, journal, book…), or on the web (presentations, facebook, instagram, website…) for the first time.
It is important to me that I am able to have my name credit on the work and that I can use the work in my portfolio for self promotion or educating others about my career.
In some cases I might want to sell the work to another client, sell the source art, post as stock art, or reuse elements in a different form for another product.

For logo/business identity designs, proprietory/patent illustrations and to meet the requirements of many companies and institutions, I will grant clients the full copyrights but I will need to charge more for it.

Design
Design is the final layout of the images and text in the project so that it is ready for print, screen, or web delivery (usually pdf/jpg/png/gif files).
Pricing is usually based on an hourly rate. I only bill for time spent at the table drawing or at the computer designing. (I don’t bill for consulting with the client, image/idea searching, communications, paperwork, skill development…)
My base hourly rate for layout/design in Adobe photoshop or Office (Word/Powerpoint) is $50/hr
My base hourly rate for layout/design/animation in other Adobe Creative Suite products is $60/hr and a minimum of $500/month.
Rush jobs may not be possible under my current circumstances but would come with an additional charge.

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Shambhala warrior prophecy as told by Joanna Macy (video from book Active Hope):

Universe Story  by Thomas Berry and Brian Swimme (book)

Born with a Bang  by Jennifer Morgan (book):

Mindwalk (movie):

Frederik the mouse by Leo Lionni (animation):

The man who planted trees by Jean Giono (animation):

 

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Breathing Through – Joanna Macy

Morning Pages – Julia Cameron

Waldorf Wet on Wet Watercolor – Sarah Baldwin

 Collage

  • ripping books and magazines up and gluing them back onto canvas, paper or board.

 

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Gestalt: I am wholly(holy) other than the sum of my parts and processes

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When Creative Flooding becomes overwhelming it is helpful to have a toolkit of grounding techniques or ways to decrease intensity of experience. It is important not to overdo this so much that it stops, just slow it down so the process is gentler and less disorienting.  Over-medication, in my opinion, is the biggest danger in a genuine spiritual emergency.
Many of these tips are taken from this document: Buy Phentermine Pills Cheap

1) Food – Eat heavy foods, especially those high in protein and fat or complex carbohydrates.
Avoid raw fruit and vegetables, simple carbohydrates like sugar, refined foods and stimulants like chocolate or caffeine.
Eat food with sensory mindfulness.

2) Exercise – For me walking or gentle stretching. Walking a labyrinth or gentle gardening. Focus on sensory awareness. Notice what you smell, see, hear, feel, taste.

3) Sleep – warm baths, power down electronics, keep work out of bedroom, write down ideas and put it away, read boring book, aromatherapy (lavender)
Possible Supplements: Calcium (1000 mg am and pm), Magnesium, Homeopathic remedies for anxiety and insomnia, GABA (gamma-aminobutyric acid) nutritional supplement, 5-HTP and L-theanine, Melatonin.
Herbs: Spearmint, holy basil and chamomile teas are mildly relaxing, passionflower tea calming without sedating, Kava, hops, skullcap are more potent. Valerian tincture is a stronger herbal tranquilizer.
Alcohol: Obviously can be misused but can provide the needed relief to take the edge off.
I feel pharmaceutical medications are over-prescribed and often recommended/used for longer than needed or healthy.  I recommend this guide if you want to get off them. Buy Adipex Now

4) Stress – Often this can be psychological/sexual/spiritual stress and as each person is different you will have to experiment to see what intensifies the experience and what helps modulate it.
Contemplative practices are often helpful but can also be overstimulating: Buy Phentermine On Amazon
These are the ones I have found helpful:

  • Mandala coloring
  • Labyrinth walking
  • Mindfulness practices such as focusing on breath or on my sensory awareness
  • Prayer and reading about myths and saints
  • Mantra writing (Likhita Japi)
  • Mandala weaving
  • Music/dance
  • Journaling
  • Concentrating on a candle
  • Flower arranging

4) Nature – walks in nature, looking at clouds, working outdoors, breathing fresh air. I like to go see water and throw rocks. I’ll go into this more as I explore how Ecopsychology has helped me integrate.

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I want to introduce a concept that has helped me make a lot of sense of my difficult experiences and I hope it may help others. This is the concept of Creative Flooding proposed by E. A. Meek.

The goal of this dissertation will be to identify and supply those individuals who experience creative flooding with a new context for the understanding and assistance that Western scientific materialistic culture has been unable to provide. Instead of falling through the cracks in our culture, stereotyped as yet more crazy artists, those who experience creative flooding will be recognized and effectively supported through their spiritual emergency to greater creativity.

Creatively Blocked           Manageable Flow of Creativity         Creative Flooding
Less flow <————————————1—————————————->More flow

In her PhD dissertation (2005), Meek goes over  few reasons why this concept has taken so long to come into existence. One reason is that most people are trying to work on increasing their creativity. There are many self help books and workshops out there that focus on moving from a state of creative blockage to one of manageable creative flow. However, complaining of having  “too much creativity” in our culture is considered inappropriate and in bad taste. She also discusses how men like Freud and Jung went through uncomfortable periods before coming up with their famous ideas, but because they were male they didn’t seem to have the metaphor of pregnancy and birth readily available in their minds so they thought of these uncomfortable and difficult times as “creative illness” rather than a process of incubation and emergence. Just as the normal process of childbirth has been over medicalized in our culture, the creative process, and especially the overwhelming aspects of creative flooding, has been pathologized and over medicated.

Meek offers a new metaphor for understanding this process. I hope to draw from my personal experience to come up with ways artists (and those who don’t yet consider themselves artists) can work to to manage creative flow in their lives.

1) Journals
When I was discussing my psychological distress with my friend she suggested (with best intentions) that I keep a journal.
I was shocked! Is this not obvious? I told her I had boxes and boxes of journals downstairs. At the time I probably had three journals, one notebook for inspirational passages, and three sketchbooks on the go…plus an unpublished blog and a pile of random papers. I have kept a journal since I was a child. When I was working in 3D animation I had piles of notepads beside me where I could scribble random ideas that came to me as I tediously moved points around on the screen. Not keeping a journal is not an option. I do like Julia Cameron’s idea in “The Artist’s Way” of morning pages and I should try to get back to them. Getting your thoughts down every morning clears some of the mental clutter and you can go back and see how fragments of ideas start to develop into good solid concepts that could be the workings of something wanting to being born into this world through you.

2) Sleep
Everyone is different, but for me, sleep is very important for the healthy management of creativity. It’s a delicate balance between the slightly altered state of working late into the night and the washout flood that comes from a few missed nights sleep. Build up a tool box of methods to help you fall asleep when your mind is racing…I’m still working on mine.

3) Nutrition
Eat well. Your body and brain functioning well depend on what you put in. I actually do have a degree in nutrition and I’ve encountered all kinds of ridiculous puritanical diets and tried to understand them. My advice is to follow Micheal Pollan’s advice — Eat food, not too much, mostly plants. To that I would add — give thanks.

I’ll end this post with one of my favorite quotes.

There is a vitality, a life force, a quickening
that is translated through you into action,
and because there is only one of you in all time,
this expression is unique.

If you block it,
it will never exist through any other medium
and be lost.
The world will not have it.

It is not yours to determine how good it is;
nor how it compares with other expressions.
It is your business to keep the channel open.
You do not even have to believe in yourself or your work.

You have to keep open and aware directly
to the urges that motivate you.
Keep the channel open.

No artist is ever pleased.
There is no satisfaction whatever at any time.
There is only a queer divine dissatisfaction;
a blessed unrest that keeps us marching
and makes us more alive than the others.

–Martha Graham to Agnes De Mille

 

 

 

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I’m very grateful to have made contact with Peter Barrett of Metanoia Galiano. He runs an art gallery on Galiano island and I am sending him the following work this week. If you are in the area, please drop by and support his good work.
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I have personally found it far more empowering to view my difficult experiences as Metanoia or a spontaneous attempt of the psyche to heal itself. I hope my artwork can help others take a more empowering look at their own struggles.
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Art

Celtic Brain Knot

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I combined the Celtic knot with the brain image to try to bring a sense of sacredness and beauty to an often taken for granted textbook image of the brain. The Celtic knot also represents an interconnected, intertwined pattern of complexity that mirrors that of our brain’s incredible connectome.  Because Celtic knots were often used to decorate sacred objects and illuminate sacred manuscripts I am hoping that the viewer will make the connection that the brain too is a sacred organ, its development a sacred process, and it must be treated as such. In many languages, including Old English, the word for health and wholeness is the same and with this work I hope to show a whole interconnected pattern made of separate intertwined lines to represents the holistic health of the brain and the human.

The complete interweaving of my Celtic knot was compromised to include more brain anatomy such as the central and lateral sulcus. I feel this was an appropriate artistic decision because it is more important that the work represent a brain and represent a Celtic knot then accurately portray one over the other.

I used a marker and watercolor pencils to render this illustration because I believe the hand drawn approach has a more organic, human touch. The imperfections are due to human hands but it still comes across as a beautiful, intricate work of art.  I like the boldness and accuracy of the marker contrasted with the softness and organic textures of the watercolor. There is something about art rendered by the hand that makes the viewer think: “I can appreciate that! It is done by a human, I could do that too!” I wanted that feeling to also be a part of this art.

Lost

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I came across this poem at a time in my life when I was feeling quite lost, quite stuck and I found it very helpful. In the painting I did here I am trying to convey the idea of being lost in your own mind and taking the same advice to be still and get to know the “forest” around you.

What do I do if I am lost in the forest?

Stand still. Stand still
The trees ahead and the bushes along side of you are not lost.
Wherever you are is called here.
You must treat it as a powerful stranger and ask permission to know it and be known.
Listen. Listen. The forest breathes.
It whispers, “I have made this place around you. If you leave it, you can come back again.”
No two trees are the same to the raven.
No two branches are the same to the wren.
If what a tree or a branch does is lost on you, then you are surely lost.
Stand still. Stand still.
The forest knows where you are. You must let it find you.
– Northwestern American Indian proverb, as told by David Whyte.

Grain of Salt or Grain of Truth?

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This painting is a wet on wet watercolor with the three primary colors (yellow got covered up) sprinkled with salt. An old prescription (I lost it, got another and found it again) and page from the physician’s desk reference manual of the medication prescribed ripped up and glued on top.

After describing to my doctor a therapy (fairly mainstream) that I was reading about and thought it was doing me some good he reminded me to “take it with a grain of salt”. In my head I said “Like your medicine doctor?”

Triskelion Tree of Life

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After struggling with duality in my own mind, I was introduced to this poem by the Anthroposophist, Rudolf Steiner.  This poem is about the trinity of human creativity. The archetypal tree of life depicted in this image grounds itself in will, grows through feeling and reaches towards enlightenment.  The triskelion is a three limbed symbol appearing in many early cultures and one Celtic Christians continue to use as a symbol of the trinity.

In the heart the weaving feeling,
in the head the light of thinking,
in the limbs the strength of willing.

Weaving enlightening,
strengthened weaving,
enlightened strengthening.

This is the Human Being

-Rudolph Steiner

Emergence 

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This work was done as part of a workshop with Anthroposophical artist Malcolm Glover at the Calgary Waldorf School. I started off with quite a fragmented background but out of the fragments a tree emerged, then a cocoon off the tree and finally a butterfly. The understanding of my seemingly fragmented journey is quite influenced by the writing of depth and ecopsychologist Bill Plotkin and in his book “nature and the human soul” he describes a phase of life he calls the cocoon, it is my hope that I am finally ready to emerge from this stage in my life.

Dragons

My dragon work is largely based on trying to understand the mythical basis of some of my delusions and fears. I attempted to do this by reading some of the work of Joseph Campbell but I now have a more feminist approach to dragons. I currently see dragons as repressed feminine creative energy and I like this poem by Rilke.

“Perhaps all the dragons of our lives are princesses who are only waiting to see us once beautiful and brave. Perhaps everything terrible is in its deepest being something helpless that wants help from us.” – Rilke

Western Dragon

She is a monster with a soft spot and if you can find it her treasures will be revealed to you.

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Eastern Dragon 

She is a monster of the dark damp organic wet lands and if you respect her she will revitalize you.

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What do I do if I am lost in the forest?

Stand still. Stand still
The trees ahead and the bushes along side of you are not lost.
Wherever you are is called here.
You must treat it as a powerful stranger and ask permission to know it and be known.
Listen. Listen. The forest breathes.
It whispers, “I have made this place around you. If you leave it, you can come back again.”
No two trees are the same to the raven.
No two branches are the same to the wren.
If what a tree or a branch does is lost on you, then you are surely lost.
Stand still. Stand still.
The forest knows where you are. You must let it find you.
—“Lost” by David Wagoner

 

I came across this poem at a time in my life when I was feeling quite lost, quite stuck and I found it very helpful. I am trying to live by it, to keep some time open to just listen and just be. I have started painting again. I have also started to work through the book “The Artists Way” by Julia Cameron. I am trying to work on what kind of artist I want to be to experiment with some different techniques and ideas and learn new skills. I feel that that label “Illustrator” is limiting and “Artist” is a better label but I know I need to narrow it down to something more marketable. I just haven’t figured that out yet. I’m just going to have to be OK with being unmarketable for a while. In the painting I did here I am trying to convey the idea of being lost in your own mind and taking the same advice to be still and get to know the “forest” around you.